My Love Story

This is an odd post for not having blogged in so long. I really don't know where to begin or how it will end. It started out as a poem that I thought God wanted me to write. Often while I am sitting in church I here something in the sermon that will prompt a poem and I grab a notepad and a pen and jot down the first few lines that come to me. Thursday night I was sitting in church listening as Brother Jonathan talked about falling in love with Jesus and I felt something in me that said you need to tell your love story. My love story? I don't have a love story I think to myself but then a few lines of poetry flow out of me and I realize that I do in fact have a love story and now I feel compelled to write it down. My story may not begin with a once upon a time but I believe there will certainly be a happily ever after.

As most girls do at some point in their lives I have had dreams of finding the right guy. In my teenage years I wasn't really concerned with "the right guy" but just a guy that would notice me would really have been enough. I never dated when I was younger never really had a boyfriend until after high school unless you count Jared Doran but we were 7 and practically related. However I had plenty of dreams as most girls do. I dreamed of weddings and dates and being told that I was beautiful. I dreamed of just once having a memeber of the opposite sex look at me and see something beautiful. I use to cry my self to sleep over this. Everytime a friend would start dating it would push me into a depression. I always hid it very well but the pain was still there especially as I got a little older and my friends started getting married and having kids. I didn't understand why I couldn't have the love story that I craved. I would talk to my mom about this and she would offer the obligatory words of comfort that all mothers must give their broken hearted daughters. You'll fall in love someday she would say. Little did I realize I already had. I was sick of hearing peoples love stories and I hated weddings with a passion as they reminded me that once again someone else was getting the very thing that I have wanted my whole life. I wanted a love story of my own. I wanted to be able to tell someone how we met and how we fell in love and all that mushy stuff that people in love like to talk about. I think it was this craving for my own story that led me to make the mistakes that I've made. It is this craving that leads me to plan out the details of my wedding even though I have noone to marry and it is this craving that causes me to cry myself to sleep at night at least once a month. Then last year I meet an awesome guy and I think it just might finally be my turn for a love story. We seem to be crazy about each other and I start thinking of all my wedding plans again. But it doesn't work out I'm suddenly not happy in the relationship. It's not his fault it's not my fault it's just not meant to be and once again I find myself without a love story. (I swear I'm not trying to make you guys feel sorry for me!) But then I realize that I have had one all along. I hear a song on my computer and it brings me to tears and I begin to sing along.

Falling in love with Jesus

Falling in love with Jesus

Falling in love with Jesus
The best thing I've ever done.

In his arms I feel protected

In his arms never disconnected

In his arms I feel protected

There's no place I'd rather be.

I realize that I mean every single word of that song and that I am madly in love with Jesus but it still doesn't click that I have a love story. I don't know exactly when it clicked but one day it all made sense. I met him when I was 9 and I gave him everything at the age of 14. I made some mistakes I tried to walk away but his unconditional and pure love kept drawing me back. Everytime I would try to run he would come looking for me. I look back now and on those nights I would cry myself to sleep it was Him that gave me the comfort I needed to fall asleep. When I went through difficult times in my life it was Jesus that would get me through it. He didn't always make the problem go away but he held my hand through the whole thing. I've heard married people talk about how their favorite place is in the arms of their partner because of the safeness and security and comfort offered there. My favorite place is in his presence where it doesn't matter how rough my day has been or how many mistakes I may have made he's there with a smile on his face and a forgiving spirit and he always loves me. I can go running to him with anything. He shares in my joy and he comforts me in my sorrow. He is more than just my God. Jesus isn't some figure in my head that I have heard stories about all my life He's not just a giant being somewhere out there controlling the universe. He is the one that I am madly and head over heels in love with. When I think about him I get a smile on my face and a song in my heart. I know I dissapoint him sometimes and I hate that but it's what makes me human I'm just grateful that I know about his grace and mercy. It may not be a white wedding dress and a honeymoon kind of love story but it's the best love story I have ever heard. I don't have to go looking for love or companionship anywhere else. Falling in love with Jesus truly is the best thing I've EVER done!!!